


Musain Wine

by Aaron_the_pan



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Suicide, Trigger warning for suicide, okay so the suicide isn't actually written but it is heavily implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:15:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3677073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaron_the_pan/pseuds/Aaron_the_pan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don’t know what this letter is, a sorry note? A birthday card? I don’t know. But, I don’t know a lot of things. I still don’t know why you did it. The scientific reason was that you had a chemical imbalance in your brain, but there has to be something more.</p><p>I love you, we miss you.</p><p>I miss you.<br/>E<br/>P.S. The Musain wine misses you too</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musain Wine

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for suicide. It isn't actually written in but it is very heavily implied that it has happened. I'm sorry this one is so sad/morbid :(

Dear R,

I’m going to visit you today. Three years on and I’m still a coward, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made the joke the first time you told me, though you thought it was pretty funny. I’m sorry I didn’t have a good enough comment for Courfeyrac when he asked what happened. And I’m sorry that I didn’t know how to deal with it. I thought I would be able to keep it inside me, our little secret for no one to know. Well, it didn’t work, did it? I had to tell someone, it was slowly killing me inside. I told Ferre, of course it was him. But being the actor I am, I made sure no one else noticed, so they wouldn’t ask what happened. But Jehan noticed. Remember when they sent us the email? Did you see it? I was so confused; I didn’t know what to do. They asked what was wrong, but they probably already knew. I don’t think either of us replied; I know I didn’t, maybe I should now, four years later, how cowardly.

I brought you a present for your birthday. I’ll give it to you along with this letter. I think you’ll like it, I hope you like it, but I won’t know now will I? I don’t know what this letter is, a sorry note? A birthday card? I don’t know. But, I don’t know a lot of things. I still don’t know why you did it. The scientific reason was that you had a chemical imbalance in your brain, but there has to be something more. Were you feeling helpless? Were you feeling fat? Because I can tell you, you are none of those things. Remember the first time we fought about your cynicism? Maybe that’s what started it, I hope not. If it was, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it.

Remember when you chugged two beers, right before the meeting? And about 10 minutes in you needed to pee? That pissed me off so much. Ever since you told me and I actually  _comprehended_ what was going on behind closed doors, I was trying to make you smile. It worked, but after a while you started to get a little suspicious, so I dropped it and just went back to being me. It never looked like anything was wrong, you always looked like the same cynical Grantaire that I’ve always known, drinking at the back of the room, making jokes with Bousset and Joly. But something was wrong; I just wish I could have looked beyond my _stupid_ optimism to see that.

I'm getting help now, or as you used to call it, getting thrown in the luny bin. It is boring, like you said it was. Are you getting help? I hope you are. I know how conceited this sounds, but I hope you can see me. I wish I could see you. I wish I'd have known what was wrong.

I love you, we miss you.

I miss you.

E

P.S. The Musain wine misses you

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry


End file.
